Did you really think I was better off when you ripped my heart out? I'm happy to explain to you how I feel. After all these years, 4,445 days & countless lonely nights...I still love. Why?
I couldn't kill you with my kindness. It didn't matter that I changed for you. How did you know each time I said "I hate" it really meant "I love"? Through all those tears of joy & pain...I still love. Why?
I often question my purpose in life. I feel I was born to be hurt and rejected. My health is bad. My heart does bleed. My thoughts are clouded. I talk until I'm blue. I shake with fear. My body is numb...I still love. Why?
I want to go back to being me. I want to laugh out loud and scream even louder. I need to be able to feel everything. Sex is not love yet making love is having sex. Will I ever get it? Even when I live for myself, the sun will still shine. If I don't get flowers; I'll buy my own. When my date stands me up; I'll take myself out. I won't ever wait to be loved. Why? I will always love...me!
So now I understand all my failed attempts with love. It's not me...it's you.
07 August 2010
04 August 2010
A Friend
If someone told you they would always be there for you and disappeared when you were all alone...do you consider that a friend?
So you're in the worst pain of your life, your heart aches. A friend said "I hate to see you hurt," however they met someone special in their life and things are still new so time is spent building the affair. You have no shoulder to cry on or someone to wipe your tears and hear you scream. Was that person a friend?
Now we all have our "bad" days when nothing looks, fits or sounds right. A friend didn't actually give you the chance to just have your moment...Is that a friend that genuinely cares?
You're extremely busy and though hanging out would be nice, you need to finish things up. A friend wants to kick back and hang out. You simply say, "I really need to get this done." This person begs and insists you come out for just a few minutes. You stick to your gun. A week later you're not able to reach this person. Maybe they're upset...if so, would a friend make you feel bad for doing what's right?
When you have strong feelings for someone and they are only acting as if the feeling is mutual so you don't get hurt...is that a friend being protective or just settling with the way things are so they're not alone?
So you finally meet the love of your life or so you think. You've been in each others life for a significant amount of time and both mutually agree it's time to take the plunge. When you tell a friend they give a blank look and fight your decision as if their life depended on it. Tension builds as you find yourself having to defend your heart. The end result, that friend becomes distant and openly non-supportive...is it too much to ask a friend to be happy with you?
What makes a "best" friend? Is it their style, that winning personality or the fact that they will agree with you to avoid a difference of opinions? When you think a friend is there to support you or hold you up when you're down, is that asking too much of someone? If the relationship is 60/40 or 20/80 at times, do you not consider that person a friend when it's not 50/50? Should friends be able to get upset not always with each other, have a cool down period and be able to apologize later? Are you a best friend or a person with a title? Do you know what it takes to be your best friend and do you have it within you? Should a friend work hard in the relationship or just go along with flow? Have you taken the time to talk to your friends or should they know by now? Do you find yourself asking what happened to a friend or where did my friend go? Does a true friend run off or stick around for the long haul?
So this "best" friend gets to a point in their life when they don't have the same interest as you and feels time and space are something they need. The time feels like forever and the distance is unimaginable. You're ready to regain that contact and fill the void you left open for them. They don't say "no" yet you're the only one trying and things just aren't the same. Could a friend continue to be civil and never really come back or is that person no longer a friend?
Who are your friends? Please share how and why your friend is the best. Add photos if you'd like. Sometime just hearing someone tell others how much they value you is greater than any gift. SO SHOUT IT OUT and then send a link to all your friends to let them know you're proud to have them as your friend. Now's the time to brag on your friend...they deserve it and so do you!
So you're in the worst pain of your life, your heart aches. A friend said "I hate to see you hurt," however they met someone special in their life and things are still new so time is spent building the affair. You have no shoulder to cry on or someone to wipe your tears and hear you scream. Was that person a friend?
Now we all have our "bad" days when nothing looks, fits or sounds right. A friend didn't actually give you the chance to just have your moment...Is that a friend that genuinely cares?
You're extremely busy and though hanging out would be nice, you need to finish things up. A friend wants to kick back and hang out. You simply say, "I really need to get this done." This person begs and insists you come out for just a few minutes. You stick to your gun. A week later you're not able to reach this person. Maybe they're upset...if so, would a friend make you feel bad for doing what's right?
When you have strong feelings for someone and they are only acting as if the feeling is mutual so you don't get hurt...is that a friend being protective or just settling with the way things are so they're not alone?
So you finally meet the love of your life or so you think. You've been in each others life for a significant amount of time and both mutually agree it's time to take the plunge. When you tell a friend they give a blank look and fight your decision as if their life depended on it. Tension builds as you find yourself having to defend your heart. The end result, that friend becomes distant and openly non-supportive...is it too much to ask a friend to be happy with you?
What makes a "best" friend? Is it their style, that winning personality or the fact that they will agree with you to avoid a difference of opinions? When you think a friend is there to support you or hold you up when you're down, is that asking too much of someone? If the relationship is 60/40 or 20/80 at times, do you not consider that person a friend when it's not 50/50? Should friends be able to get upset not always with each other, have a cool down period and be able to apologize later? Are you a best friend or a person with a title? Do you know what it takes to be your best friend and do you have it within you? Should a friend work hard in the relationship or just go along with flow? Have you taken the time to talk to your friends or should they know by now? Do you find yourself asking what happened to a friend or where did my friend go? Does a true friend run off or stick around for the long haul?
So this "best" friend gets to a point in their life when they don't have the same interest as you and feels time and space are something they need. The time feels like forever and the distance is unimaginable. You're ready to regain that contact and fill the void you left open for them. They don't say "no" yet you're the only one trying and things just aren't the same. Could a friend continue to be civil and never really come back or is that person no longer a friend?
Who are your friends? Please share how and why your friend is the best. Add photos if you'd like. Sometime just hearing someone tell others how much they value you is greater than any gift. SO SHOUT IT OUT and then send a link to all your friends to let them know you're proud to have them as your friend. Now's the time to brag on your friend...they deserve it and so do you!
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